Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
