Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
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