he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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