Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
