my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
