i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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