Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
