I'm so fucking centered right now
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
