I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize