True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
