Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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