Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize