this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize