Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
