Nicole vs. Life
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
