I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
