I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
