I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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