The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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