I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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