my mouth tastes like poor choices
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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