i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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