Apparently you make a good broom.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
