Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
