Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize