went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
