Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
