haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize