I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
