At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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