there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
