I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
