The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
