btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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