Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
