I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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