the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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