I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
