He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i came on her dog
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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