What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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