her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
