is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
