Life is so much better after having sex.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
