Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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