I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
