Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
