is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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