She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
