Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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