I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
