I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im holly from the hills drunk
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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