Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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