Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
