sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
