i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
