If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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