i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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