Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
