Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
