Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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