Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i dont even know how to be here
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think your dad took our porno
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
