Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
