actually, I'm a sock model
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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