Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
