Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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