her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize