literally had 100 drinks last night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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