Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's blow job season.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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