no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
