You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize