You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
