i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize