Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize