If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
