Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
