please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
