i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
