i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
