I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
