It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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