i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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