He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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