God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
