I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The power of my boobs compel you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
