Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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