She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
