Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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