i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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