Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
