she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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