The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
