btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let the clothes fall where they may.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
