she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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