I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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