I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
