happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
