i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
