Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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